In a relationship, how do you meet your needs?

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If you want your relationship to be happy and last a long time then it is essential that the needs of both partners are fulfilled. A high percentage of relationships fail to work long term if your needs aren’t being met. Similarly, if your relationship has fallen on rocky ground, then you’ll only make it work and get back to together by working out how each other’s needs can be met.

In order to fulfill your needs your partner must know what they are. You can’t expect them to meet your needs otherwise. As always, talking about things is necessary in a happy relationship. Even if your partner desires to make you happy they need to know what your needs are.

Similarly you have to ask your partner what their needs are too. Maybe you have never done this before and, once you get talking, you might be in for a surprise.

For example you might need to be told regularly that your partner loves you very much, and you might equally assume that that is what they need too. As a result you could think that, just by telling them frequently that you love them, you are fulfilling their needs. It might be true that they enjoy being told this, but they might not need to be told it all the time.

Your partner might, in fact, prefer that you show him or her that you love them rather than using words. An affectionate kiss and hug may be all that they need.

So you can strengthen your relationship by finding out what each other’s needs are. This means you’ll have to sit down and talking about it. Some people find this very uncomfortable and are embarrassed about talking about their needs. But you really need to do it if you are to improve or regain the strength of your relationship.

Another example is that you want your partner to help with the housework. Perhaps they spend too much time in front of the TV and you wished that they would help clean and tidy up. You don’t like to ask for help but, instead, would expect them to offer to help you. When they don’t you feel resentful for not helping when, in fact, they have no idea that you need help.

Resentment can quickly turn to anger and, from there, to a break down in communication. When you’re angry you don’t feel like talking but just simmer in silence. Or you might stomp about and slam things down while you are cleaning, using aggressive behavior, actions which are frequently found in relationships. Actually what you need to do is tell them what you are angry about and how they don’t help you with this simple job. What’s the point of getting angry with them when they don’t know what your needs are?

Using aggressive behavior like this will only make your partner think you are acting like a spoilt brat and they’ll ignore you expecting you to get over it on your own. Or they may feel guilty, which is no way to expect people to help willingly.

This is just one example because each person has different needs that should be fulfilled in a happy relationship. Talking about your needs is the only way to make sure your relationship is secure and healthy.

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