Loving someone who does not love you back is probably one of the emptiest feelings one should hope to never experience. Or worse yet, maybe they “love” you in a way as you are a part of their past. Or maybe they “love” you as a friend, but do not love or feel attracted to you the way you do for them. This sort of out-of-balance feeling of emotion leaves the one who has feelings with a completely empty feeling. Whereas the one who is not in love is often confused as to why the other person feels that way even after they have made it clear that they are not interested in more than friends.
In order to understand what is going on with both sides, it is critical to understand that attraction and love is NOT A CHOICE. Attraction is an emotion that is most often felt without conscious decision. Meaning both parties who are on opposite sides, really do not have a choice in the way that they feel for the other. You cannot just simply turn on and/or turn of attraction for someone, you either have it or you don’t.
The good news is, that although you can’t turn it on or turn it off instantly – feelings, attraction, and love can change over time. Think about it, it happens all the time. We have all witnessed couples who were once madly deeply in love, fall out of love and lose interest. The other side of this coin is also true – If someone you are interested in, does not feel the same for you as you do for them, there may still be hope. Follow these simple steps and maybe, just maybe there could be hope:
(1). Don’t force the issue – Things are as they are intended to be. This means, that things between you and the person you are interested in at this moment are not going to chance right away, if ever. Obviously you want them to see you in a different light, but there is not much you can do in the short term. You must let things take their natural course. This means you can’t constantly push the issue. A simple conversation about how you feel, leaving the door open should they wish should be enough. Once that is done, it’s done. Do not continue to push the issue or you will end up pushing them away completely. The goal is to simply let them know how you feel, open the door, and then back off from further discussion until they are ready… When in doubt, trust me they know and you don’t need to constantly remind them.
(2). Focus on you – Confidence is attractive. The opposite of confidence is someone who chases someone around hoping that by them seeing how nice you are, you can cause their feelings to instantly shift like some romantic movie. By focusing on you take the control out of their hands and place it back in your own. Chasing them around or obsessing about them does nothing to promote your cause. Backing off and not trying is an extremely tough thing to do as the natural feeling is to want to try harder to win their affection. Affection is not won, it is FELT! If you want them to feel attraction for you, then you must focus on yourself and work on your own confidence.
(3). Act as if – Act as if you are not deeply-madly in love with them (even if you are). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to play games, but I assume you want to keep them around in your life in some capacity. Either as a friend, work-out partner, movie buddy, or just a Facebook friend. Whatever the case may be, you need to act as if you are not thinking about them 24/7. Doing so may make them feel uncomfortable or unwilling to be around you as they will always be worried for the next moment you profess your love for them. If they don’t feel the same way, it can be VERY UNCOMFORTABLE for them. So if you want to keep them around, act as if, because, trust me – they already know how you feel. And if the time comes that they feel differently, they will go out of their way to let you know.
(4). Let time sort it out – In the end, time is the great equalizer. Things you never dreamed possible can become a reality. But remember, you need to be patient. Things rarely happen on our time schedule, they happen when it’s time for them to happen.
As you wait for them to see the light, you should fill your time with being the best you that you could possibly be. Think about these questions and decide if you have what it takes. Who do you need to be in order for them to find you attractive? Is it a part of who you are? Are you comfortable with being that person? Do you posses the tools and/or resources?
In these questions you will find the answers to what needs to be done in order to allow them to naturally feel attracted to you. So what are you waiting for?
